I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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