god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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