my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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