sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
