I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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