I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
