okay pat passed out under dana's car
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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