so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
