It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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