She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
