I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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