We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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