I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
