She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
