well you can't waste a boner
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
