i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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