My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Congratulations! We have a period
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
