dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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