I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
