I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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