kristin has been a bad kristin
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
