Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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