Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
