I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
