if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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