Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My feet surprised me
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
