we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
