I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
