i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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