So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
