the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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