So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
