In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
