I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
if you like me you must not know who I am
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
