oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
