If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
