Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
It's blow job season.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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