East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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