I would go down on you faster than GM stock
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
How external is "for external use only"?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
