Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
