Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
How's work?
Spinning.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
