Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We have started to decorate penises.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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