Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
They are going to name an STD after you.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
