apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
