My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
