If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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