i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
