Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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