i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
