Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
