It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
