sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
