why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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