it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize