He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
