He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
