Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
