Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I need to stop coming to work sober
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
