when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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