Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
