Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
