I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
