Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
