I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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