eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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