I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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