i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
