So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
