Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
