Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize