my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
