You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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