I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You're earring is so big in my mouth
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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