i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
