gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
