You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
