im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
i think i just lost a toe
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
