Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize